Ellemental: Happy Birthday

I’m riffing on the Sonic Youth song title “The Ineffable Me” with this article’s theme, as I think we should celebrate the Indescribable Us that is so much more than any label or disorder attributed to who we are.

I think of identity often now. In 2019 at a holiday biscotti-and-books fair, I began identifying as an Artist.

Too often others attempt to tell us who we should be. At an early age we can feel unworthy in the eyes of others who cannot love and accept us for who we are. This could cause emotional distress.

Asian philosopher Lao Tzu advocated for firing up your personality as: “When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.”

Having a blast being yourself will surely make you irresistible to others, if you ask me. That’s the way to shore up your self-esteem against the hate. Party on!

Suddenly it hit me when I turned 60 that I shouldn’t care about the people who don’t care about me. For years I allowed the media darlings and others to influence how I felt about myself.

As an author I detest stereotyping people. The editor of Left of the Dial marked up my memoir with this rubric: “There can be no blue-haired old ladies in the narrative.” Funny but true, and a humorous example of characterization.

In 2017 I engaged in a self-development project, studying the life work of Caroline Myss, who authored the books Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential and Archetypes: Who Are You? That’s how I found out I have Author, Advocate, and Fashionista archetypes.

Armed with this insight, I was proud to be me. You have so much to be happy about being yourself too, as the truth is that who you are at your core doesn’t go away after you have an episode of illness.

They’re often waiting in the wings to make their comeback, as I found out at 60 years old when the girl I used to be in college reappeared. She was a disc jockey on FM radio.

Too often when symptoms take over, we are not acting in accordance with our personality. With treatment we can not only restore who we always were; we can invent a new person and give them those wings to take flight.

Actor Viola Davis, in an InStyle magazine interview, said that it takes your whole life to get to this authenticity. That your uniqueness will draw others to your original self.

Acting false cannot go on forever, as that’s the route to making yourself ill. The only thing hanging out in our closets should be a fabulous frock.

Why should we pretend to be someone we’re not so that others can like us? They’ll only like the fake. The real deal is so much more interesting, vibrant, and individual.

The day we were born is our chronological birth date. The day we give birth to our identity with confetti and cheer is a birthday too. Let’s host a birthday party for this badass person when we allow them to come out and play.

Cut the cake. Blow out the candles. Make a wish.

It’s divine to be you and me.