The Joyful Schizophrenic: the Risk of Human Connection

Jean-Paul Sartre, one of the most influential philosophers of the 20th century, famously wrote in his existentialist play No Exit, “Hell is—other people!” This quote captures the paradox of human relationships—the anguish of being shaped, judged, and perceived by others. But Sartre’s words weren’t simply a condemnation of social interaction. He also recognized the potential for joy, growth, and meaning through human connection. He wrote, “I’m going to smile, and my smile will sink down into your pupils, and heaven knows what it will become.” These words illuminate the fact that relationships can be both torment and salvation—sometimes within the same breath.

Like Sartre, I have experienced both the hellish torments and the heavenly bliss that come from interacting with others. While relationships inevitably come with risks—disappointment, rejection, frustration—I have come to believe that avoiding the pain of human interaction means also forfeiting the joy it can bring. To truly experience the highs of human connection, we must endure the lows.

I meet new people almost daily, whether online or in person. I post volunteer opportunities on Indeed to recruit support group co-facilitators and event planners for the community work we do in New York City. The process is often exhausting: I receive numerous auto-generated resumes, respond diligently, and yet, out of every 30 replies, only one person responds back. Even then, it’s often uncertain whether that person will show up, commit to the role, or eventually vanish into silence.

Yet, from time to time, a rare connection emerges from the chaos of social interactions. One such encounter occurred with a woman from the United Kingdom who applied for a co-facilitator role. We connected through WhatsApp, bonding over shared goals and values. Now, she is not only a dedicated group facilitator but also a Friendship Squad volunteer, supporting others in the community. She has built deep relationships with three Squad members, offering encouragement, compassion, and unwavering positivity.

Though much younger than me, she possesses an emotional and intellectual depth that continues to inspire and challenge me. Conversations with her become transformative experiences, offering me fresh perspectives that guide my personal and spiritual journey. She is a calming presence—one that makes all the failed connections, ghosted conversations, and rejections worthwhile.

So, was it worth it? To sift through dozens of resumes, to face the frustration of people disappearing, to endure rejection after rejection—only to find one person who enriches my life? There is no doubt: an emphatic YES!

Would you sort through 50 strangers to find a true friend? With 8 billion people in the world and 8 million in NYC, there really is no alternative. If we wish to build meaningful connections, we must keep talking, keep searching. It’s a game of trial and error. Some people will give great first impressions only to disappoint later. Others will make terrible first impressions, but with patience and forgiveness, they may become the most rewarding friendships of all.

May your search for meaningful human connection be joyful, and if you persist—deeply rewarding.